Reading
through the two main meanings of Respect from the Oxford Advanced Learner’s
Dictionary; the first one says: a feeling of admiration for somebody or
something because of their good qualities or achievements while the other says
it is a polite behaviour towards or care for somebody or something that you
think is important; which means Respect is relative because: What if I do not think you are important? The
Longman and other etymological variants have one or similar factoids about ‘Respect’.
From
my understanding of Respect, here is one thing I am sure that respect is not. It
is not bum-licking, honey-dicking or ass-kissing, it is not face-to-face pretence
and back stabbing or name calling in the absence of whom the said ‘Respect is
due’. Respect is not hyping or washing or massaging of anyone’s ego. Respect is
not demanding or gaining bragging rights. Respect has no business with pretence
or forming, it exudes genuineness and
exudes it all. Respect is two sided; as they always say, it is reciprocal. To
cut this long explanation short, it is not an authoritarian or top to bottom
ruling system.
One
of my BFFs came visiting and we were having our girl chat and the Respect issue
came up; we were on and on about the Aunties and older cousins (it was mostly a
female problem but it affected some men too) we had while we were growing up,
they demanded, ordered or commanded that a desired title must be added infront
of their names or else, you faced the consequences (Dahn! Dahn!! Dahn!!! You fit
die). I remember once when I called ‘a man’ that came visiting my Aunt by his
name, I slept and woke up sore from the multiple blows and knocks I got pre and
post bedtime but since that day, I have marked that the man must be a useless
man for allowing that much battering because I called him by his name.
Apparently, calling him by neither his name nor the battering did not make his
marriage last so long. Uhuh!
Putting
Aunty or Madam or its variant in front of your name does not mean I genuinely
respect you and think about it like this, on the day of your birth or when your
birth certificate was issued, you had no title on there. What if I nearly go
6-feet down all in the name of Respect for you and behind you, ears that hear
what I say about you can tingle? Is that what you feel you truly deserve? You
should also consider this, putting Aunty infront of your name should be an
option that is largely open to the caller of the name and not you the owner.
When I read through the Holy Books or while we are at our various places of
worship, I never hear us call Supreme beings, Mr. God or Uncle Jesus even
though they worth uncountable times more than any Uncles or Misters.
Dangote,
Otedola, Buhari (PMB), Obama, Oprah, Mo Abudu, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Mandela etc. are people that we call by their names daily as we will but nobody makes a fuss
about adding titles in front of their names and I feel they know their worth
(not just financial now), is above and beyond the massaging of egos. Some
people possibly because of their orientation would not tolerate themselves
calling people by their names but for others, that might be their comfort zone.
It is trivial and does not matter much. It is not the name or title that is
added to your name that gives value to life, it what you do with the name
itself. It is better for a two-year old to call me by name as the Head of a
Nation than for a two-year old to add Aunty because I am nagging about some
so-called Respect and the value I am not adding to anyone’s life.
As
human beings, we are all not perfect, focus on wrongs that should be made right
and not someone calling you your name or adding a title because of the worth of
yourself that only you have accumulated in your head. If you require this titleship so much and you are not
getting it, it means that you are not respecting yourself enough. So, try plucking-off
your horns and balancing your wings on your shoulders rather than faffing them
because the level of respect you bestow unto others is the same level of
respect that shall be turned over to you.
Live
your Life.
It's nice, honest and concise. I feel it applies to Africans, Nigerians alike.
ReplyDeleteMaria why have you stopped writing?
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