SUNDAY MOTIVATION: BOOK REVIEW.

Bought (@N1 000) from Dominion Bookstore Headquarters, Ota, Ogun State The Ten Commandments of Dating by Ben Young and Dr. Samuel Admas, though written from a religious perspetive, you do not need to be Christian or muslim or any religion at all for the principles outlined in this book to work for you. Why? It is simply because they reflect truth! Most times, because of the difference in the Western and African culture, I would prefer to read anything but the advices lilting from the pages of ‘Oinbo’ fantasy but I dare to say by all standards that this book is different; indeed, it has broken all the rules.

Many of us would agree with the authors of this book in their quote that:”Relationships will always be a mixed bag of joy and heartache, fun and serious work. Sure, dating is risky business but doing it right is well worth the risk” and also “when romantic relationships becomes an obsession or they are elevated to prime importance, then one has a problem”. This process (elevating romantic relationships to prime importance) causes a major act: Desperation! Confucious once said that: “Desperation produces pespiration and pespiration stinks on any man”. This saying has caused me to think in recent times; why many people are afraid of desperate opposites- desperate man running away from a desperate lady and vice versa, it has also made me ponder on why the marital pressures are large in our society. If you my beloved reader can ride on the wings of these words, even though you do not practice these principles, you would definitely agree with me that this is an interesting read.

The first commandment of dating is: Thou Shalt Get A Life. I have had people tell me about friends that once they get involved or become full actors in the dating scene, they forget their friends and sometimes as bad as it gets, family! Or even a project that they are working on. From what I learned in this book, these set of people make their relationship their beginning and end and often times, are highly dependent on their partners. Is there anything wrong with dependence? No, there is nothing but when you begin to ignore people and other phases in your life because of your said “#NewFoundLove” then get ready for a good crash (I am not wishing anyone ill luck abeg, this is my generous opinion of which I have a right to). When a dependent person enters a relationship, he usually sucks the lifeblood out of the other person, like a tick on a dog. Two dependent daters face an even more impossible situation: two ticks, no dog. There are five ways you can get a life:

Firstly, Get Grounded. Take a good journey on self discovery. How? You can totally do this alone by finding out your strengths, knowing your self worth (your self worth is above looks, career and possessions; even though quite unfortunately, this is what societies place most value on). Getting grounded simply, is living in the constant knowledge that you are a reflection of your maker and the worth of your making does not fluctuate neither does it come with a price tag such as $2 000 000.00 or N5 000 000 000.00. This value is unchanging and ever complete so we all need to live with this knowledge. Secondly, Get Grouped. Psychologists say that one of our deepest needs is to be connected with others in a meaningful way and this is also not far from the reason of coexistence. As I have always heard, no man is an island, so when this meaningful desire to coexist becomes unmet, one suffers. In this book, an illustration is given with one of America’s top-rated TV shows: Grey’s Anatomy; which is said to have been successful partially due to the series’ emphasis on relationships. Getting Grouped is all about developing replenishing relationships.

The third way to Get A Life is: Get Goal Oriented. Those who think on paper, think better (Bishop David Oyedepo). Golas move most of us, they keep our focus on the mark, on the price, Goals are the reason why the propelers of our purpose keeps spinning. I personally believe that Goals and Ambition are birds of a feather even though I have met people who do not totally agree with this premise but I stand by my assertion. Goals need to be S.M.A.R.T- Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Attainable, according to these authors: “Goals make the difference between reaching forward with purpose and spinning around in meaningless circles- your game plan may be flexible, but your commitment should never change”. Getting Goal Oriented is a way to wane your mind from being too into someone or being boy or girl crazy; it opens the eyes of your heart to know that there is more to life than a romantic life. Fourthly, Get Giving. The key to a life of misery and loneliness is doing this one thing: seek to please yourself. (Ben Young & Sam Adams, 1999). Giving is basically aiding in the needs of other people. Do you ever ask yourself: “What can I give to this friendship,” and not just “What can I get from it?”People who are Grounded, Grouped and Goal Oriented are also seeking to serve the needs of others. From the Grinch who stole Christmas from the people of Whoville; the Grinch was bitter, angry and envious because he was born with a heart three times smaller than any normal person but one thing was shocking, after he stole Christmas, the people of Whoville were still happy and joyful- they kept their contemptment because they gave to one another. The act of the Whos touched the Grinch and when he decided to give back Christmas to the Whos, his heart grew three times bigger; the words later rhythmed to “Give and it would come back to you, good measure…” is not new to us in words or actions and the measure you give is the measure you receive but most times, the measure you give comes back in favours that you do not expect. A Giving person is interested in our fifth point.

Lastly, to Get a Life, you should Get Growing.  If you take a viable seed, plant it in the best Loamy or Humus Soil in a location that adequate sunlight beams through and you water it properly and constantly, you would be singing new harvest songs after the planting seasons and procedures. As human beings, many of us want to be fully alive and passionate about life. Growing requires the willingness to learn, improve, explore, discover and reach out boldly to the places that you have not been before or doing things that you have never done before. This is another mind’s eye opener. As mentioned by Ben Young & Dr. Samuel Adams, here are some things that one could engage in to get growing: Learn a new language, Learn to play a musical instrument, Pick up rock climbing or skydiving-for the brave at heart, Take dancing lessons, Learn to paint, Draw or write poetry, Start hunting or fishing, Improve your public speaking skills, Play your favourite sport or pick up a new one, Continue your education- for those privileged with the finances, sailing/skiing or scuba diving is also good= try it out.

In conclusion to this, I believe that in Getting A Life, you should also define relationships (and not just romantic relationships). If you remember symbiotic relationships for living organisms from Biology class which include: Mutualism, Commensalism and Parasitism, then it is high time we focus and redefine our relationships.

There are 10 Commandments but I have done just one and would do others based on request or better still, please go to your nearby book store and pick a copy of this book to help your life and that of others. Thank you for reading and I shall love to hear from you my beloved readers.